On Charity

The concept of charity has always been a source of conflict for me.  While I am very much a pull yourself up by your own boot straps kind of guy I recognize that not everyone is this way.  There is also the philosophical debate of do we do charity for charity's sake, or do we do it for the accolades it earns us?

To me the truest form of charity is done anonymously, without any expectation of gain or recognition.  As such I developed very much a canned answer when ever anyone would ask me about such things.  "I'll just write a check," is my normal response to inquiries about how I support causes I believe in.  While there is some truth to it it is primarily a dodge to avoid the subject.  After all if people knew I was contributing to charity was I really doing it for charity's sake?

I'm not sure how I came up with this ideology, but I think it has something to do with an old M.A.S.H. episode.  You remember M.A.S.H. don't you?  That campy, Korean War sit-com from the 70's.  There was a holiday episode where Charles, a pompous, blue blood, old money surgeon dropped off some very expensive chocolates at a Korean orphanage in the middle of the night.  He was caught by the head of the orphanage of course and had to explain that this was a holiday tradition in his family, and for it to be a true act of charity it needed to be carried out anonymously.

As silly as it sounds that struck me in a very profound way.  It was later reinforced in my college years as we discussed very much the same thing in my philosophy classes.  The whole concept of Utilitarianism, the greatest good for the greatest number, comes to mind.  What happens to these poor souls that are not a part of the majority, and is catering to the majority always the right thing to do?  If charity is a virtue, are we less virtuous for making our charity known?  These are questions I struggle with.

I believe charity to be a very private matter, so private that I won't even discuss it with those closest to me.  If being charitable curries me favor their eyes then did I really do it for charity's sake?

On Family - Part 1

It would appear that I am most profound and inspired to write when experiencing personal pain and facing my glaring faults. I've mentioned my strained relationship with my family. Many of you may question my decision to dig a little further into this topic. After all what will people think of me?

Recent events have really made me reevaluate how I look at things. As Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results." I have always been very independent and resolute in my thoughts and opinions. I would quote an old Aaron Tippin song regularly, "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."

My family are good people. Solid blue collar folks with a good work ethic. I share this work ethic with them and thank them for that. Where we diverge is they very much have what I call an employee mentality. I almost think its a generational thing. My Grandfather served in the Navy during World War II in the Pacific, and he and my Grandmother grew up during the Depression Era. Coming out of that they very much had a tremendous sense of gratitude for having a job of any kind.

When my Grandfather passed away from cancer over a decade ago my Grandmother requested that I be the one to present her with his burial flag. I was still serving as part of a Marine Corps Reserve unit at the time. I'd been a part of many burial details in my eight year career as a Marine. I had seen many a grieving widow be handed that neatly folded flag covering the casket. Try as I might I could not help but choke on those words as I uttered them to my Grandmother, "On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation I present you with this flag for your husband's faithful and honorable service in the Pacific theater." Thinking about the events of that day make me instantly tear up.

I really miss my Grandfather, more than I would normally ever admit publicly. Publicly I'm this cold, callous, all business persona. All though lately my friends have been calling me out on that. A good friend remarked last night at a Nordstrom Tweet-up event that, "you're this entrepreneur and businessman, but all you really want is love." I was explaining to her about the journal I now carry with me. Thank you Sabrina for being a supporting friend both personally and professionally.

Back to my Grandfather though. When he passed there was only one thing that I requested from my Grandmother. I wanted the Japanese service rifle he had brought back from the war. To me it represented our shared military background. It went to my Uncle however, their one and only son of five children. I was very upset as he had never served in the military and somewhat resented that he got it. A purely selfish thing as I'm sure he held strong memories of it as well.

Years later as I transitioned into a more white collar career path and began to wear French Cuffed shirts my Grandmother pulled me aside at a family function. She knew how I felt about not getting the rifle hard as I tried to hide it. She took me to her dresser and pulled out a small leather pouch. As she handed it to me she said, "These were your Grandfather's."

As I opened the pouch I saw a set of simple gold cuff links and a matching tie bar. I was speechless, it wasn't the rifle I had pined over but these meant so much more! The rifle represented both my Grandfather and I's military past. The cuff links represented who we grew to be. He was a manager at Boeing. I love the cuff links my Grandmother gave me. I can feel my Grandfather at my side whenever I wear them. These simple, square cuff links with the head of a golf club have come to mean more to me than the rifle ever could. That being said I still haven't reconciled that with my Uncle who I had so selfishly shut out.

There are many things my Uncle and I share. We are both business owners, we both enjoy country music on occasion, and we both have found memories of my Grandfather tied to that rifle. We do have our differences as well. I don't agree with his constant longing to return to Boeing after they laid him off years ago just so he can get his pension. Family events are always an update on how many positions he's moved up on the rehire list. I don't understand the logic of that, but we're different people and I need to learn to accept that.

To be continued...

On Personal Branding

Personal Branding can probably be regarded as one of the key catch phrases of 2009. Prior to that I would hear it thrown as online reputation management in what was then Web 2.0 circles. We now refer to this collectively as Social Media. I cannot express how much I dislike the term social media.

All media is social, and the word is actually the plural form of the word medium. Having many meanings the word medium in this case refers to an intervening agency, means, or instrument by which something is conveyed or accomplished: Words are a medium of expression. Thank you Dictionary.com for that definition. I am getting off topic though.

It was in August of 2008 that I was introduced to David Meerman Scott's concepts of viral marketing. Three guesses where the idea of using my middle name came from, and the first two don't count. Thanks for the idea David!

The timing it would appear is perfect as it was in November of 2008 I joined Twitter. I stumbled and faltered as a got my bearings on Twitter and found my voice. My online persona has turned into one of luxury and fashion as these are the markets my agency Stigmare serves. This persona has extended itself offline as well, and I began to feel that I was always on stage.

I always had to live up to the hype and persona I had created for myself, my company. I have a bit of a compulsive nature that way. I got so caught up in this role that I couldn't turn it off, even around those I was closest to. I set an incredibly unrealistic standard for myself to live up to.

This made me over analyze everything. Every relationship, every acquaintance was scrutinized. How would this individual, group, or organization affect this image I had crafted for myself? I couldn't, no I wouldn't turn it off. A victim of my own zero or 100 mph, all or nothing mind set. This has cost me dearly as of late.

The circles my recent Lady friend ran in did not fit the neatly packaged, fashionable, well manicured little world I had created. They were an eclectic, artistic, creative, bohemian lot. Observing some of their comments on her Facebook page gave me pause as they were shall we say a free spirited and colorful.

I couldn't dare run the risk of friending them, what would the post on my page, and how would that affect my image? What a pompous, judgmental ASS of a thing to think! She considered these people family and I basically said your family isn't good enough for me to give the time of day. Guess how that went, oh wait, I all ready did a post on that.

Once I pulled my cranium from my rectal orifice and attempted to reach out to these sweet, kind, caring people that my Lady loved like family it was met with suspicion and anger. In hind sight I really can't blame her for that. I would have considered it a bit subversive too.

Personal Branding is great when kept in check. Keep your professional and personal lives separate that's the great thing about having Facebook and Twitter. You can compartmentalize your life as easy online as you do off. We all have our work life and our home life, they don't have to and in some cases should not mix.

Be smart in how you develop and manage your personal brand. Don't make the foolish mistakes I've made. The cute part is that I got an email today from a friend that was concerned about my open mourning on Facebook about the loss of my Lady. He was concerned about how it would affect my brand. I love him for that, it was a testimony to his friendship. I've realized quite recently I have far more friends than I accounted for, many of them would actually fall under my Lady's definition of family.

Don't repeat the mistakes I have made when developing your personal brand. Be smart about how you use the tools available, but don't let them consume you. Trust me the price may very well be more than you can bear.